DON: English, Vlad.
VLAD: Hello, welcome.
DON: Are you taping this?
VLAD Mr. President, how could you think such a thing?
DON: Isn’t that how we got started?
VLAD: Well yes, in part, but comrade, we are far past that now. We are brothers, like siblings, you might say, and, hah, like you said a few days ago, “competitors.”
DON: The world wants me to ask you, “Did you interfere in our American elections?”
VLAD: Are we role-playing here? You know very well what happened. No one can hear what we’re saying. It’s just us here.
DON: What should I say?
VLAD: Tell them the truth. Like you have.
DON: Are you kidding, Vlad.
VLAD: Of course I am kidding, where would telling the truth ever get us. Tell them what you’ve been saying, I insist we did not interfere. Tell them I believe it.
DON: We have to do better. I look weak.
VLAD: Tell them you believe me. Stay on course.
DON: Can you give us any of your soldiers who did this?
VLAD: Alive? [Laughs] No, of course not. You tell them, I know these soldiers and they would never do such a thing.
DON: Really? I’ve already said I wouldn’t ask.
VLAD: Good. That’s the best. Same old. I’ve been doing this for a lifetime. It’s worked for me. Repeat, repeat, repeat. Say what you’ve been saying, say this is an elaborate lie by your Special Counsel, and you say I, your friend and competitor Vlad, believe that, that it’s a lie told by an ambitious prosecutor.
DON: Witch Hunt.
VLAD: Precisely. You’ve also got to do something about your friend, Rudy.
DON: What do you mean?
VLAD: He said your Special Counsel got the Russians, nailed them, and you weren’t involved. He concedes my forces did what they did. What’s wrong with him? That’s not a good strategy. We’re in this together.
DON: He’s a little eager sometimes.
VLAD: You have to control him better. What did you promise him if he makes this go away?
VLAD: You didn’t.
DON: I said if he got me out of this…
VLAD: He wanted State …that would be a big mistake.
DON: Let’s move on. We’re making progress in NATO and across the world. We’re closer to where we’d hoped to be much earlier. When I told Kisylak in the Oval Office that we were free and clear, right after I fired Comey, we laughed over it, and I was sure we were in the clear. I didn’t expect this. Didn’t expect this delay.
VLAD: I told you not to fire him. There are other ways.
DON: Tea perhaps?
VLAD: [Laughs.] Hah, fake news.
DON: Well, I fired him, thought that was the end of it, and this f - - - er junk yard dog Rod, now that’s apt, rod, goes and puts this Boy Scout Mueller after me.
VLAD: I would have fired him. Flynn didn’t tape you, did he?
DON: We spent a lot of time together.
VLAD: Do you have a recording device in the oval office like Nixon had?
DON: [Ignores question.] So how we gonna handle this?
VLAD: I have a few things we can say we discussed …
DON: So do I…
[END OF [fake] EXCERPT]